Conviction vs. Condemnation

I think I just experienced love at some of its finest. And once I explain the circumstances you might be surprised that I write that. You see, I was just confronted by my boss at work about coming in late to work or leaving earlier than scheduled. It's a pretty casual work environment, and to my shame I had been taking somewhat of an advantage of the situation at times. And it is amazing all the subconscious ways I've justified it along the way. But I won't get into that.

My boss could not have been more caring, more loving, than to bring to light what needed to change in me. It was such a picture of how true love is not willing to let the beloved stay stagnant for the sake of making that person "comfortable". God loves us far too fiercely to be overconcerned with our comfort. And the thing that is SO beautiful about this particular situation with my boss is that I think I had secretly wanted accountability but was too scared and ashamed to ask for it. Because let's face it, no one enjoys admitting that they've been a slacker, even in the secret depths of their hearts.

What is more is that this theme of "scraping by" goes really deep for me, straight to the core. I have always been pretty good at a lot of different things, and some things I've truly excelled at without much effort on my part. I can honestly say that I can't think of anything I've ever given my total commitment to, because I've gotten by just fine giving less than 100%. And do you know what I loath more about myself than anything? THAT attitude. And I've NEVER known how to get out of it because it has been so habitually ingrained in me. Sometimes I feel like an invisible giant hand is holding me down, keeping from reaching to the height I'm capable of.

Now what in the world does this post have to do with battling against depression? Here's the connection. One of the classic symptoms of depression is a heightened sense of self loathing and self deprecation. And if you are like me, I take it one step further and project onto God those same feelings I have about myself. If I hate me so much than God must hate me even more.
But this could not be farther from the truth. The truth is that "there is now NO condemnation in Christ". The truth is that the Lord Christ is not surprised at the depth of our depravity. He is not shocked at our complacency and indifference. Yet, because He loves us so recklessly, he is not satisfied with letting us stay in our hopeless situation, and that is where accountability and confrontation step in.

Part of the battle with depression is feeling like nothing is ever going to change for the better. It is an inability to see through the murk and fog of those present emotions. Sometimes it takes a jolt of conviction or loving confrontation to remind us that God claims "all her debts are cast on me and she must and shall go free". That is pretty demanding language. And it takes being confronted with our downfalls and gaps in virtue to be able to see any real change in our lives.

Godly conviction, whether it be through prayer, or relationships, or other insights, will surely break your heart. But it should never break your spirit. Conviction doesn't necessarily feel good, but there is hope in it. There is hope of freedom. There is hope of change for the better.

Worldy conviction, or condemnation, is about guilt, about shame, about the futility of our thinking. There is not an ounce of hope, only mudslinging at our souls.

If you are feeling a direct attack at the very core of who you are, this is not God. This is Satan trying to keep you from the freedom that is obtained when a person can take an honest look at their actions and attitudes and realize that things must change, but that they are loved.

If you are feeling sorrowful over a lack of integrity in your life, is that not a Holy sorrow? A Holy sorrow holds out the invitation from God that says," Yes, you are lacking in this area, but it has nothing to do with how much I love you. In fact, BECAUSE I love you, I want to give you everything you need to be equipped to grow in this area".

Condemnation ties us down with unnecessary guilt. Conviction gives us a lifeline of hope that lifts us out of the places where we feel stuck.

If you struggle with self loathing, remember this is not coming from God. He is not turning his nose down at you. He is crazy about you. Ask Him to give you the ability to see past your limitations to see His strong hand that is able to guide you up and out.